Had an uncomfortable sexual experience, but not quite sure what to make of it? Our resources can help.
"What happened didn't fit any label that I recognised: he wasn't a stranger, there was no dark alley."
– Survivor20
"I felt like my experience was invalid and this made it difficult for me to heal."
– Survivor21
"I think I was in shock and my brain wanted to make what happened seem like something different."
– Survivor22
1 in 5 women have been sexually assaulted,1 but most survivors are not able to make sense of what happened3 and never seek the support they deserve, or report it4. Herstory aims to help to bridge the gap. We reviewed hundreds of studies and survivor stories on sexual assault to provide you with comprehensive research-based information that can help you piece together what happened, navigate your options and take action.
How we can help
The time after an uncomfortable sexual experience, or after sexual assault, can feel confusing and overwhelming. It can take several weeks, months or ever years to understand what happened3. And while it can be difficult, defining and labeling your experience has been linked with better adjustment and recovery11,12. If you feel something unsettling took place but are not quite sure what to make of it, our resources can help.
MAKE SENSE OF WHAT HAPPENED
Access information that can help you label your experience, and piece together what happened.
NAVIGATE YOUR OPTIONS
You have options and don’t have to navigate them alone. Find out what some of them are and read about the benefits and possible risks to help you evaluate what’s right for you.
Identify Your Goals and Concerns
TAKE ACTION
Find helpful resources to get started if you’ve decided to move forward with one or more options—when you are ready, and should you choose to do so.
Not sure where to start?
Our interactive tool can be a helpful starting point for making sense of your experience. If the questions feel triggering, alternatively you can explore common responses, myths, perpetrator tactics, survivor experiences, and more to help define your experience here. Even if you are not sure what to call your experience, don’t let it discourage you from exploring your options and seeking support.
The impact of sexual assault
I never thought that this would happen to me.
— Survivor17
Sexual assault is far too common.
You are not alone. 1 in 5 women have been sexually assaulted.1 It can have long-lasting and life-changing impact with 94% of survivors experiencing distress2 and 40% stating it was the most upsetting event of their lives (scoring it at 10 out of 10)18.
I always think about how my life could have been different if had I known back then a story like what ended up happening to me.
— Survivor6
Misconceptions hold survivors back.
The distress and isolation survivors experience is magnified by misconceptions around the realities of sexual assault and trauma.14 Contrary to popular belief, majority of sexual assaults are committed by someone the survivor knew and 1 in 5 by an intimate partner15, and most survivors don’t fight back16. There is no “right” way to respond to sexual assault and no uniform story.19
It took me 5 years to realize I was sexually assaulted—and now I can finally recover.
— Survivor8
Most survivors are not able to make sense of what happened
Defining what happened based on the facts of the matter has been associated with an increased likelihood of seeking support services,11and better adjustment.11,12 However, 60% of women are not able to make sense of their experience3, 41% tell no one and 92% don’t seek out professional help4.
Of all his sexual assault victims—of which (I later learned) I was unfortunately only one.
— Survivor13
Most perpetrators do it again (and again).
Misconceptions also contribute to low reporting rates. More than 3 out of 4 cases go unreported9, and only 5 out of 1,000 perpetrators serve time in prison.5 Almost 2 out of 3 undetected perpetrators are repeat offenders and will continue to assault. They average close to six rapes or attempted rapes and 14 interpersonally violent acts each.4
Testimonials
"I’ve read the Herstory Survival Guide and looked around the website. And thank you so, so much. I have had more validation than ever before. I can’t even express how thankful I am and, for once, am so happy at the power of the internet!"
"My sexual assault (rape) never felt like a typical experience. It always felt like it was in a grey area which made it confusing, and like I shouldn’t feel upset about it. Or that I was complicit somehow. These resources have helped me immensely."
"Thank you so much for all that you do – I honestly can’t express how relieving and validating it was to have discovered the site."
"Your information has really helped me understand my behavior."
"This content helped me a lot to understand my own history of sexual abuse."
As you read through the resources on Herstory, please keep in mind:
– The information provided by Herstory is not medical or legal advice, and may not apply to specific circumstances or localities.
– The information and content may not be complete—if you don’t see your experience reflected, it doesn’t mean it isn’t valid.
– The information on this site and the publications it links to contain definitions and descriptions of sexual assault. If you feel triggered, you may want to leave the page, and/or seek professional help.
Sources:
1.Catalano, S., Smith, E., Snyder, H. & Rand, M. (2009). Female Victims of Violence. Bureau of Justice Statistics Statisticians. Selected Findings. U.S. Department of Justice Office of Justice Programs. https://www.bjs.gov/content/pub/pdf/fvv.pdf
2. Rothbaum, B.O., Foa, E.B., Riggs D.S., Murdock T. & Walsh W. (1992). A prospective examination of post-traumatic stress disorder in rape victims. J. Trauma. Stress. 5:455–475. doi: 10.1002/jts.2490050309.
3. Wilson, L. & Miller, K. (2016). Meta-Analysis of the Prevalence of Unacknowledged Rape. Journal of Trauma, Violence and Abuse. 17(2). https://doi.org/10.1177/1524838015576391
4. Jacques-Tiura, A. J., Tkatch, R., Abbey, A. & Wegner, R. (2010). Disclosure of sexual assault: characteristics and implications for posttraumatic stress symptoms among African American and caucasian survivors. Journal of trauma & dissociation : the official journal of the International Society for the Study of Dissociation (ISSD), 11(2), 174–192. https://doi.org/10.1080/15299730903502938
5. Lisak, D. & Miller, P. (2002). Repeat Rape and Multiple Offending Among Undetected Rapists. Violence and Victims. 17(1):73-84. DOI: 10.1891/vivi.17.1.73.33638.
6. Morton, R. (Retrieved 30 Jun 2020). I Was Raped and Broken. CNN. https://edition.cnn.com/interactive/2019/07/opinions/rosem-morton-sexual-assault-cnnphotos/
7. (9 October 2018). “I didn’t realise what happened was rape.” BBC. https://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/92f0eb4e-3cf2-4f5a-840e-3a5ba92d8bea
8. Thottam, I. (4 November 2019). It took me 5 years to realize I was sexually assaulted – and now I can finally recover. The Temper. https://www.thetemper.com/years-to-realize-sexually-assaulted/
9. Morgan, R. & Kena, G. (October 2018). Criminal Victimization, 2016: Revised. U.S. Department of Justice Office of Justice Programs Bureau of Justice Statistics. https://www.bjs.gov/content/pub/pdf/cv16.pdf
10. Stoner J.E. & Cramer R.J. (2019). Sexual Violence Victimization Among College Females: A Systematic Review of Rates, Barriers, and Facilitators of Health Service Utilization on Campus. Trauma, Violence, & Abuse. 20(4):520-533. doi:10.1177/1524838017721245
11. Frazier, P. A. (1990). Victim attributions and post-rape trauma. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 59(2), 298–304. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.59.2.298
12. Lamb, S. (1996). The Trouble with Blame: Victims, Perpetrators, and Responsibility. Harvard University Press.
13. (April 3 2020). Survivor Stories. Vicky’s Story. Fear 2 Freedom. https://www.fear2freedom.org/bethechangeblog/2020/4/3/survivor-stories-vickies-story14.
14. Wall, L ., & Tarczon, C . (2013) . True or false? The contested terrain of false allegations . Melbourne: Australian Centre for the Study of Sexual Assault, Australian Institute of Family Studies.
15. Catalano, S., Smith, E., Snyder, H. & Rand, M. (2009). Female Victims of Violence. Bureau of Justice Statistics Statisticians. Selected Findings. U.S. Department of Justice Office of Justice Programs. https://www.bjs.gov/content/pub/pdf/fvv.pdf
16. Haskell, L. & Randall, M. (2019). The Impact of Trauma on Adult Sexual Assault Victims.
17. (Retrieved 11 May 2021). Jennifer’s truth. Vera House. https://www.verahouse.org/jennifers-truth
18. Burgess, A. & Holmstrom, L. (1980). Rape – Crisis and Recovery. Maryland, Robert, J. Brady Company, P. 477. via (Retrieved 9 August 2020). King County Sexual Assault Resource Center. https://www.kcsarc.org/sites/default/files/Resources%20-%20Rape%20Trauma%20Syndrome.pdf
19. Kozlowska, K., Walker, P., McLean, L. & Carrive, P. (2015). Fear and the Defence Cascade: Clinical Implications and Management, 23(4): 263–287. Harvard Review of Psychiatry. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4495877/
20. Price, H. (6 March 2018). ‘I was raped as a student – and I’m not the only one.’ BBC News. https://www.bbc.com/news/stories-432581702
21. (17 May 2016). Ferguson, S. 5 Reasons why non-traditional rape narratives are important. Everyday Feminism. https://everydayfeminism.com/2016/05/non-traditional-rape-narratives/
22. (4 Oct 2018). When Your Friend Is Your Rapist. The New York Times. https://www.nytimes.com/2018/10/04/opinion/rape-friend-sexual-assault.html