“
Growing up, we’re taught by our parents to fear attacks by strangers, to take care in dark alleyways, and never to walk home alone… I believed that story.
– Survivor1
“
What happened didn’t fit any label that I recognised: he wasn’t a stranger, there was no dark alley.
– Survivor62
“
The perfect victim is the model against which all other (normal, flawed, human) victims are judged against, and trust me we all come up short.
– Survivor36
“
I was both a victim of rape and someone still actively bearing the assumptions and rules that uphold rape culture and disadvantage assault victims.
– Survivor61
“
When I was raped… I also discarded certain assumptions I had held about how the world worked and about how safe I was.
– Alice Sebold, Survivor and Author63
“
On that night, at that moment, he forever changed who I am and how I will view the world.
– Survivor64
Dispel myths
The Illinois Rape Myth Acceptance Scale (IRMA) classifies rape myths into seven categories: ‘She asked for it’, ‘It wasn’t really rape’, ‘He didn’t mean to’, ‘She wanted it’, ‘She lied’, ‘Rape is a trivial event’, and ‘Rape is a deviant event’.5 Explore each one of them below.
MYTHS: She Asked For It
“They seemed angry that I’d made myself vulnerable, more than the fact that he’d acted on my vulnerability.”
– Chanel Miller, Survivor and author of ‘Know My Name’65
Myth
Victims provoke sexual assault by for example dressing provocatively or by acting flirtatiously.5,6
Fact
Sexual assault is never, ever the fault of the victim. Sexual assault is often considered to be motivated by the desire to assert power over another rather than sexual gratification7. Furthermore, offenders look for signs of passiveness and submissiveness, which, studies suggest, are more likely to coincide with more body-concealing clothing .58 Regardless, attire or flirtation is not an invitation for unwanted sexual activity, and nobody asks or deserves to be sexually assaulted.
Myth
If the victim agreed to go to the perpetrator’s home or allowed them into theirs, sexual assault is a risk they should assume.5
Fact
Agreeing to one thing does not mean agreeing to sex. Perpetrators are often skilled at pushing victims’ boundaries to create opportunities for committing sexual assault.8 For example, acquaintance perpetrators typically have the ability to convince, con or lure their victims into opportunistic isolation (e.g. his/her place).12 Based on US statistics, the majority (55%) of sexual assaults happen near or at the victim’s home, and 12% occur at or near the home of a friend, relative, or acquaintance.9
Myth
If the victim had a lot to drink, she is at least somewhat responsible for letting things get out of hand.5,6
Fact
Around half of sexual assaults involve alcohol consumed by the victim, the perpetrator, or both. This does not mean alcohol causes sexual assault.10,11 Rather, identifying a vulnerable victim and/or administering or pushing alcohol are commonly used tactics to enable sexual assault.11,12
Based on the UN Multi-country study on men and violence, alcohol was the least quoted reason for rape out of those surveyed, and less so for intimate partner sexual violence where perpetrators have other means to gain access and create opportunities to assault than in non-partner violence.59 Studies of intimate partner violence too have shown that alcohol plays a bigger role in non-intimate partner than in intimate partner sexual assaults where the perpetrator has other means to get access to and subdue their victim.24 Furthermore, a person who is intoxicated or impaired cannot give consent.13
MYTHS: It Wasn’t Really Rape
“Believing fight or flight is our only response to threatening situations makes it easy to victim-blame.”
– Survivor60
Myth
Fact
Myth
If the victim knew the perpetrator or was in a romantic relationship with them it’s not sexual assault.20,21
Fact
Myth
Sexual assault is a misunderstanding. For example, sexual assaults at university campuses are typically the result of a basically “decent” young man who, were it not for too much alcohol and too little communication, would never do such a thing.23
Fact
Most sexual assaults or offences are planned, and typically at the very least knowing, and often intentional. The majority of perpetrators are repeat offenders.15 Clark and Quadara (2010) argue that whether what happened seems “planned”, “opportunistic”, or even an apparent “misunderstanding”, the steps that perpetrators take to realise that opportunity are deliberate and calculated. They use the resources present in any given situation to minimise the victim’s capacity to refuse sex and actively consent.12 Studies of intimate partner violence have shown that offenders are able to interpret a victim’s verbal and non-verbal signs of refusal but choose to ignore them.24,25
Alcohol is involved in about half of sexual assaults, but it doesn’t mean alcohol causes sexual assault.10,11 Perpetrators often use alcohol as a strategy to subdue victims and to justify their own actions.11,12 Based on the UN Multi-country study on men and violence, alcohol was the least quoted reason for rape out of those surveyed59, and both the UN study and studies of intimate partner violence have shown that alcohol plays a bigger role in non-intimate partner than in intimate partner sexual assaults where the perpetrator has other means to get access to and subdue their victim.24, 59
MYTHS: He Didn’t Mean To
“I excused his actions, believing him to be completely wrapped in the moment, and wondered what I should have done differently.”
– Survivor67
Myth
Perpetrators assault because they don’t know any better, or they get carried away and don’t realise the victim is resisting.5
Fact
Based on studies of sexual coercion in intimate partner sexual assaults, men who offend are able to read verbal and non verbal cues of refusal but choose to ignore them.24,25
Prevention efforts geared toward persuading perpetrators not to assault are very unlikely to be effective with even multi-year programs failing.15 Rather, early intervention trainings to influence attitudes and behaviours during adolescence and early adulthood26 are required combined with training bystanders to intervene in high-risk situations15.
Myth
Perpetrators who sexually assault women are sexually frustrated and/or cannot control themselves.5
Fact
The majority of sexual assaults do not involve a loss of control on the perpetrator’s part.27 Although sexual assault can be motivated by more than one reason, often the desire to assert power over another is considered a key motive rather than sexual gratification.7
MYTHS: She Wanted It
“After that, I reached out to see him a few more times. So crazy of me, right? (—) In my head, an acknowledgment of being a victim would rattle the core of what I founded myself on and shatter my whole identity. I wanted to be in charge of myself, so I ignored what happened and just continued hanging out with him like it wasn’t a big deal.”
– Survivor68
Myth
Fact
Saying no (or resisting in other ways – passively or actively) or going along with it due to some form of duress means the victim did not consent to the sexual activity.24
Myth
If the victim became sexually aroused or had an orgasm, they actually enjoyed it and it wasn’t sexual assault.27,28
Fact
Physical arousal29,30and/or orgasm29 during sexual assault are normal involuntary bodily reactions, based on studies can be the body’s way of protecting itself from injury and can be triggered by fear or extreme anxiety31. These responses are not a sign of consent.29 Some perpetrators try to deliberately arouse the victim to bewilder and discourage reporting, and to try to compromise the victim’s credibility of non-consent.32
Myth
If the victim kept in contact with the perpetrator or remained in a (romantic) relationship with them, it’s not really sexual assault.33
Fact
It’s common for victims to maintain a relationship with the perpetrator33 because they’re still trying to make sense of what happened, get closure, regain control34 and/or reshape it into something else that is more manageable to process to neutralise the trauma35,36. Due to social conditioning, women can also feel responsible for trying to smooth things over37 or feel compelled to be nice36 even if they were victimised. Furthermore, if the perpetrator for example studies or works at the same place as the survivor or has power over them in one way or another, the survivor may feel forced to maintain contact.
MYTHS: She Lied
“I thought it was normal. I thought I probably brought it on myself. I thought no one would care. I thought it probably didn’t matter anyway. I thought I wasn’t important enough to bother. I thought I was alone.”
– Survivor69
Myth
If the victim didn’t for example report it immediately they must have changed their mind about what happened.5
Fact
Labelling unwanted sexual experiences is typically a gradual process41 and denial is a common initial coping strategy42. Majority of victims never report sexual assault for a variety of reasons.43 A US Campus Sexual Assault study found that on average, victims who did report delayed reporting by 11 months.71 There’s no connection between timeliness and truthfulness of reporting.44
Myth
Fact
Studies estimate 5% of rape allegations are false and therefore, the overwhelming majority of sexual offence reports are true.38 Myths about false allegations have negative consequences for victims of sexual offences by perpetuating the idea that victims will be met with disbelief and blame when they report the offence.39 This contributes to the under-reporting of sexual offences.40
Myth
If the victim doesn’t remember all details, gives contradictory statements or forgoes proactively sharing details that could make them seem complicit, they are probably lying.16
Fact
It’s not unusual for survivors to have vivid memories about the beginning of a sexual assault when their brain’s defence circuitry was first triggered and the initial burst of stress hormones was released. Details or aspects of the experience that were of most significance may be intensely remembered.16 Yet when asked to recall details about e.g. the time of day, or who and what was where at any given time, survivors may struggle or contradict themselves.45 Survivors may also omit or minimise behaviours they don’t understand or that they used to survive, such as appeasement, or flattery, out of fear that they will not be believed or that they will be blamed for their assault.16 Indeed, most women don’t disclose information that they can’t make sense of – information, that experts might consider as typical victim behaviour.37
Myth
A sexual assault victim should be upset and cry when talking about the assault or reporting it.39,46
Fact
There is no one uniform response to sexual assault, and survivors don’t necessarily appear outwardly upset – they can for example seem calm or be disoriented, having difficulty with focusing46, or even laughing due to the shock and disbelief57.
MYTHS: Rape is a Trivial Event
“I worried that what happened wasn’t “serious enough” to be believed or taken seriously.”
– Survivor62
Myth
If it didn’t involve force/violence or was committed by an acquaintance it’s not that traumatic.49, 56
Fact
It does not take a dramatic struggle to traumatise another.50 Furthermore, being violated by an acquaintance is not necessarily any less traumatic than being violated by a stranger.57 In fact, some studies even say that when the victim knew the perpetrator it’s even more likely they’ll experience distress than when he perpetrator was a stranger due to the violation of trust51.
Myth
If the victim agreed to some sexual acts before the assault, it’s not sexual assault.5 If the victim resisted but eventually gave in when pressured, it’s not sexual assault.24
Fact
Consent needs to be freely given for each sexual act without the use of pressure or coercion. Everyone has the right to stop engaging in sexual activity at any point.24,48
MYTHS: Rape is a Deviant Event
“Growing up, we’re taught by our parents to fear attacks by strangers, to take care in dark alleyways, and never to walk home alone… I believed that story.”
– Survivor1
Myth
Fact
Perpetrators have different backgrounds and come from all walks of life.53 In the majority of cases the victim knew the perpetrator before the assault took place.21 Perpetrators are often seemingly regular men. This normalcy helps them to establish trust and gain access to victims.12 The majority of assaults happen in ordinary places, such as at or near the victim’s home.8
Myth
Fact
It’s estimated that 35 percent of women worldwide have experienced either physical and/or sexual intimate partner violence or sexual violence by a non-partner (not including sexual harassment) at some point in their lives.53 Majority of perpetrators of sexual assault are repeat offenders.15
Myth
Fact
Perpetrators typically choose victims that are vulnerable and/or whom they can exert power over.12 Sexual assault is often motivated by the desire to assert power over another rather than sexual gratification although it can play a part in it.7 These myths enable perpetrators to cast doubt on if an assault happened. At the same time myths about “typical” sexual assault victims may further isolate those affected because victims may feel they will not be believed if they don’t meet the “typical” characteristics.54
Sexual harassment too is typically not primarily motivated by sexual desire but by a desire to derogate and punish women who violate gender norms and step out of “place” from the perpetrator’s view point which is commonly anchored in sexist attitudes. Based on studies, regardless of how warm or feminine a woman was, being dominant or otherwise masculine was associated with experiencing more harassment. Women who had masculine personality styles and were low on warmth or femininity were most at risk.55
“
It was not your fault, even if you were drunk, even if you were wearing a low-cut mini-dress, even if you were out walking alone at night, even if you were on a date with the rapist and kind of liked him but didn’t want to have sex with him.
– Joanna Connors, Survivor and Author66
“
The truth is that this is how most rapes happen. Most victims know their rapist. Not all victims can or do fight back. There is no such thing as “good” women and “bad” women. Not all rapists leave bruises. Rapists can be “nice guys” who have friends, families and communities.
-Jane Gilmore, author of ‘Fixed It – Violence and Representation of Women in the Media’70
“
Many victims struggle to explain their own behaviour. We need to remember that until they were assaulted, they probably held all of the same myths about sexual violence as many other people.
– Psychologist36
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