“
At the time, I didn’t have the language around rape and consent. I didn’t have the knowledge around anything like that. I didn’t know.
– Survivor20
“
I don’t remember being taught about consent at school, other than “No means no.”
– Survivor23
“
Since this was someone I knew and trusted I wasn’t able to verbalize what happened to me. While I knew I didn’t want to have sexual relations with him that evening, while I knew we did anyway, I didn’t know it was rape.
– Survivor30
“
Because I didn’t fully understand consent, I didn’t know that something was wrong when my friend slowly started pressuring me…
– Survivor31
“
I didn’t recognize the signs of coercion and manipulation… I didn’t realize that the fact that she kept going when I told her to stop (—) meant that I wasn’t consenting. So I called it cheating.
– Survivor31
“
Words matter. The words we use to talk about something do effectively direct us emotionally. What you label something shapes how you synthesize it, how you digest it, and later how you feel.
– Survivor22
“
I didn’t know that what had happened to me two years ago could be considered sexual assault until my therapist said the words out loud in a session.
– Survivor21
“
I was unsure about how I should feel, and I didn’t know where to turn. This was someone I knew. Was it still rape?
– Survivor32
“
For the next 10 years, I would speak about “bad sex” or “grey-area experiences”. I would start sentences with: “This doesn’t really count, but …”
– Survivor34
Learn the language
If you’ve had an uncomfortable sexual experience you might be grappling with making sense of what happened. After an uncomfortable, confusing and oftentimes traumatic experience such as sexual assault or coercion you might be learning a whole new vocabulary and be unsure how to define it. Women often question whether or not what happened actually counts as sexual assault18,19 and this not knowing can hold them back from seeking support and reporting. Understanding key terms and putting words to what happened can be helpful in making sense of your experience. Here you can find a glossary of key definitions in general terms. Legal definitions however can differ based on the locality, don’t always reflect the victim experience1,27 and evolve over time2,27. To understand the legal terminology for what happened and/or to seek medical advice, it’s best to refer to the relevant local laws and legislations, and speak to relevant professional advisors. The information on Herstory shouldn’t be considered legal or medical advice.
Consent
The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s (CDC) National Center for Injury Prevention and Control (NCIPC) defines consent as “words or overt actions by a person who is legally or functionally competent to give informed approval, indicating a freely given agreement to have sexual intercourse or sexual contact.”3
UN Women provide the following guidelines for consent4:
- Enthusiastic: “No,” or “I don’t know,” and silence are not consent – rather than looking for a “no,” make sure there’s an active “yes.” If the other person seems unsure or worried, you don’t have consent.4
- Given Freely: Consent must be given voluntarily and cannot be obtained through coercion or force4 including using a position of authority or trust, such as a teacher or an employer, to coerce someone into something5. You cannot give consent if you are e.g. unconscious, sleeping or intoxicated or if wishes or nonverbal cues to stop, like pushing away, are ignored or if pressure is applied to get a yes.4,5
- Informed: Based on facts. For example, if a partner says they will use protection but don’t, that is not consensual sex.4
- Specific: Consent is given for a specific act (e.g. kissing). It does not mean agreeing to another act (e.g. sex). Consent needs to be present every time – agreeing to something once does not automatically mean consent for the same in the future.4
- Reversible: It can be revoked at any time. That means people are allowed to change their minds, or stop any activity at any time.4
When interpreting your actions, words and responses during your experience, it is important to understand there is no uniform or right reaction to sexual assault24 and reactions can be automatic25.
Sexual Violence
The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s (CDC) National Center for Injury Prevention and Control (NCIPC) defines sexual violence as “any sexual act, attempt to obtain a sexual act, unwanted sexual comments or advances, or acts to traffic, or otherwise directed, against a person’s sexuality using coercion, by any person regardless of their relationship to the victim, in any setting, including but not limited to home and work.”3
Sexual Assault
Sexual assault refers to a range of unwanted sexual acts such as touching, kissing, rubbing, groping, forcing the victim to touch the perpetrator in sexual ways, and rape.6
Rape
The FBI’s Uniform Crime Report defines rape as “penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.”7 Generally, rape typically refers to unwanted sexual intercourse that involves the use of force and/or the lack of consent.1
The legal definitions for rape can differ based on locality1. Some of the differences in the definition of rape can include:
- Whether or not the presence of force is required (as opposed to absence of consent)1
- Gender neutrality (victim and/or perpetrator)8
- Relationship between perpetrator and victim (e.g. some countries don’t acknowledge marital rape)9
- Penetrative body part/object10
- Consumption of alcohol or drugs (e.g. voluntarily vs involuntarily taken)2
Sexual Coercion
Sexual coercion means pressuring someone into sexual activity through for example verbal or physical coercion, threats or intimidation or through the use/abuse of authority.3,11
Sexual Harassment
The U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) defines sexual harassment as unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favours, and other verbal or physical harassment of a sexual nature.12 Unwelcome does not mean “involuntary.” A victim may agree to certain conduct and actively participate in it even though it is offensive and objectionable13 e.g. due to the other party being in a more powerful position and fear of repercussions of refusal11. The sexual conduct is unwelcome whenever the person subjected to it considers it unwelcome.13
Sexual harassment can include:
- asking for sex or sexual favours including quid pro quo (something for something)
- leering or staring
- blocking your route physically
- displaying offensive materials
- making sexual gestures or suggestive body movements
- sexual jokes and comments around or to you
- questioning about others’ or sharing about their sex life
- making sexual comments or asking questions that are sexual in nature
- criminal offences such as indecent exposure or sexual assault13
Sexual harassment can happen for example at work related settings (e.g. by a supervisor, a supervisor in another area, a colleague or a client).12
Acquaintance Rape
Rape committed by someone the survivor knows (e.g. a friend, a co-worker, a date or a spouse).5
Date Rape
A form of acquaintance rape committed by someone the survivor is or was romantically involved with.5
Marital or Spousal Rape
Rape committed by the person the survivor is married to or by their spouse.5
Stranger Rape
Rape committed by someone the survivor does not know.5
Intimate Partner Violence
Intimate partner violence (IPV) refers to physical violence, sexual violence, stalking, or psychological harm by a current or former partner or spouse.14
Technology-Facilitated Sexual Violence
Technology-facilitated sexual violence (TFSV) refers to a range of behaviours where digital technologies are used to facilitate virtual and/or face-to-face sexually based harms. Such behaviours can include online sexual harassment, gender- and sexuality-based harassment, cyberstalking, image-based sexual exploitation, and the use of a carriage service to coerce a victim into an unwanted sexual act.28
Image-Based Sexual Abuse
Image-based sexual abuse (IBSA) covers two behaviours. The first is “sexting coercion”28 that is engaging in unwanted sexual behaviour through sexually explicit text, pictures, or video29. The second is the creation, distribution, or threat of distribution, of intimate or sexually explicit images of another person without their consent. IBSA is also referred to as ‘revenge porn(ography)’28 though the term has been criticised for implying that the victim has committed some form of trespass against the perpetrator, deflecting the blame away from the perpetrator and reflecting victim-blaming33.
Stealthing
‘Stealthing’ refers to non-consensual condom removal before or during sexual intercourse.35
The criminlaisation of stealthing differs depending on the country, and the state. For example, in the United States stealthing is a civil offense in California where it has been added to the state’s civil definition of sexual battery. This makes it illegal but not a crime in California as it has not been added to the criminal code36 . Under English and Welsh law, stealthing is rape37. In Australia it’s explicitly criminalised in several jurisdictions38.
Grooming
Grooming refers to manipulative behaviors that an abuser uses to gain access to a potential victim, coerce them to agree to sexual abuse, and reduce the risk of being caught. Grooming behaviors are not limited to the victim, but are often used to create a trustworthy image and relationship with the victim’s family and community to gain direct access to the victim and to make it less likely they will be believed if they disclose the abuse. It can take place online and/or in-person. These tactics are most often used against younger children, however teens and vulnerable adults are also at risk.
The perpetrator is usually someone from the victim’s circle of trust such as a family member, coach, teacher, or youth group leader. They will typically portray being charming, kind, and helpful to etsbalish trust. Grooming will typically involve “sharing secrets”, undue influence or control, or pushes personal boundaries. And alos, desensitization to touch and discussion of sexual topics, with a gradual escalation of physical touch and sexual abuse.39
Acute Stress Disorder
Acute stress disorder (ASD) is a mental health condition that’s triggered by a deeply disturbing or terrifying event (such as sexual assault) within the first four weeks of the traumatic event — either experiencing it or witnessing it. Symptoms may include flashbacks, nightmares, feeling wound up (also called hyperarousal), anxiety or distress, as well as intrusive thoughts about the event.15
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition that’s triggered by a deeply disturbing or terrifying event (such as sexual assault) after the first four weeks of the traumatic event — either experiencing it or witnessing it. Symptoms may include flashbacks, nightmares, feeling wound up (also called hyperarousal), severe anxiety or distress, as well as intrusive thoughts about the event. Multiple traumas over a longer time period can lead to complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD).15
Rape Trauma Syndrome
Rape trauma syndrome (RTS) is a psychological trauma experienced by a victim or rape16 or other forms of sexual violence17. RTS is often described as a particular type of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), though it is more accurate to refer to rape (or sexual assault) as a traumatic event that can result in the development of PTSD, rather than to classify RTS as a subcategory of PTSD.26 The symptoms of RTS and post-traumatic stress syndrome overlap.16
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