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Understanding how the brain responds to emotional stimuli like fear would have saved me over a decade of fear and anxiety.

– Survivor11

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The perfect victim is the model against which all other (normal, flawed, human) victims are judged against, and trust me we all come up short.

– Survivor8

Understand your responses

The ‘perfect victim’ narrative tells a story of a woman who was attacked by a stranger, fought back profusely and reported it immediately.1 It doesn’t reflect the realities of sexual assault and trauma. There is no “right” or uniform response to sexual assault.2 Typically the aggressor is someone the victim knows,3 women resist passively,4 don’t report immediately (or at all)5 and may maintain a relationship with the perpetrator6. Survivors often don’t understand their own responses and feel they should have done more to prevent the assault.4 What may seem counterintuitive is often textbook when you understand how the brain responds to threat and trauma.7 Learning about common responses can help to empower survivors8.

Common responses in the moments before the encounter or assault

Oftentimes the survivor’s behaviour comes under scrutiny in the aftermath of sexual assault and survivors too can feel like they were at fault, if even partially. Understand how perpetrators can push boundaries to create opportunities to assault9.

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Common responses during the encounter or assault

Contrary to popular belief, victims commonly resist passively4, and sexual assault can trigger automatic habitual and survival reactions.10 Explore different responses victims experience during sexual assault.

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Common responses after the encounter or assault

Survivors can struggle to understand their own coping mechanisms following sexual assault.4 Read about common responses after sexual assault.

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There is no perfect victim or survivor, and no perfect trauma response.

– Sexual Assault Counselor13

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When you live your life assuming this will never happen to you or if it does happen, you’ll scream, fight and run away, it can be incredibly confusing when you experience the reality of abuse and find yourself reacting in a very different way.

– Psychologist8

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Many victims struggle to explain their own behaviour. We need to remember that until they were assaulted, they probably held all of the same myths about sexual violence as many other people.

– Psychologist8

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When we behave in a way that is incongruent with the anticipated or socially recognized response to a threatening situation, we will try to make sense of it by changing our beliefs about what happened or about our culpability.

– Psychologist12

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It can be massively empowering to help victims understand their own behaviour and their own reactions. Until they do they can think that they are weird, mad, or to blame.

– Psychologist8

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The only way to respond to sexual assault is to survive.

– Psychologist12

References:
1. Korbel, Marissa. (25 April 2018). Sometimes You Make Your Rapist Breakfast. Harper’s Bazaar. https://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/features/a19158567/what-is-rape/
2. Haskell, L. & Randall, M. (2019). The Impact of Trauma on Adult Sexual Assault Victims.
3. Catalano, S., Smith, E., Snyder, H. & Rand, M.  (2009). Female Victims of Violence. Bureau of Justice Statistics Statisticians. Selected Findings. U.S. Department of Justice Office of Justice Programs. https://www.bjs.gov/content/pub/pdf/fvv.pdf
4. Haskell, L. & Randall, M. (2019). The Impact of Trauma on Adult Sexual Assault Victims. https://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/rp-pr/jr/trauma/trauma_eng.pdf
5. Kilpatrick, D., Resnick, H., Ruggiero, K., Conoscenti, L. & McCauley, J. (2007). Drug-facilitated, Incapacitated, and Forcible Rape: A National Study. Medical University of South Carolina. National Crime Victims Research & Treatment Center.
6. Layman, M.J., Gidycz, C.A, & Lynn, S.J. (1996). Unacknowledged versus acknowledged rape victims: situational factors and post-traumatic stress. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 105(1), 134-131.
7. Miles, R. (Retrieved 16 August 2020). Out of the shadows: Making sense of counterintuitive behaviors in sex assault survivors. The Enterprise. https://www.davisenterprise.com/forum/opinion-columns/out-of-the-shadows-making-sense-of-counterintuitive-behaviors-in-sex-assault-survivors/
8. Bielski, Z. (20 March 2016). How politeness conditioning can lead to confusion about sexual assaults. The Globe and Mail. https://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/relationships/how-politeness-conditioning-can-lead-to-confusion-about-sexual-assults/article29294471/
9. Engel, B. (2010). The Nice Girl Syndrome: Stop Being Manipulated and Abused and Start Standing Up For Yourself. Wiley. 
10. Hopper, J. (24 Jun 2015). Why many rape victims don’t fight or yell. The Washington Post. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/grade-point/wp/2015/06/23/why-many-rape-victims-dont-fight-or-yell/ 
11. Corvo, J. (29 Sep 2018). Why I Froze and Smiled During My Sexual Assault. Human Parts. https://humanparts.medium.com/why-i-silently-froze-and-smiled-during-my-sexual-assault-7bf5d56deebc
12. Hales, A. (J14 Jan 2020). ‘Fight or Flight’ Are Not the Only Ways People Respond to Sexual Assault. Vice. https://www.vice.com/en/article/v74eqj/fight-or-flight-and-harvey-weinstein-sexual-assault-trial-defense
13. Sanmuhanathan, N. (3 March 2021). I’m a sexual assault counsellor. Here’s why it’s so hard for survivors to come forward, and what happens when they do. The Conversation. https://theconversation.com/im-a-sexual-assault-counsellor-heres-why-its-so-hard-for-survivors-to-come-forward-and-what-happens-when-they-do-156038