Understand your responses in the moments before the encounter or assault

One of the most damaging myths about sexual assault is the phrase “put myself (or ‘herself’) in that position”. This myth can lead to self-blame, and victim blaming by others. Even well-meaning therapists who are not well versed in sexual assault may buy into this misconception of ‘how to prevent it from happening again’ or ‘learning valuable lessons for the future’. This is victim blaming disguised as insight. It suggests sexual assault is an inevitable act due to the combination of circumstances about the victim, her lapses of judgement and choices. It portrays sexual assault as a “women’s issue” and suggests the way to prevent sexual assault is for women to change, give away freedoms and take responsibility for the actions of perpetrators. In reality, there is only one thing that causes women to be sexually assaulted – the perpetrator and their choices. Yet there is no equivalent phrase for “he shouldn’t have put her in that position”. Another conclusion victims may come to is that although they didn’t cause it, they created the opportunity through “poor choices”, by allowing themselves to be vulnerable (e.g. intoxication). The bottom line is no matter what happened before, it would not have happened if the perpetrator had not been there. As Matt Atkinson concludes in his book Resurrection After Rape (2010, p. 156-159) “Opportunities don’t create rapists, rapists create opportunities”.²⁴ 

About the victim’s ‘choices’

What may appear to an outsider as ‘lack of vigilance’, can be much more complicated in reality. Some survivors report having felt “bad vibes” before the assault commenced³. However unlike sexual assault committed by strangers in which danger cues are often apparent immediately, a sexual assault by an acquaintance (which is the majority of cases⁴) can require the victim to process a great deal more information with regard to environmental cues, such as interpreting the man’s motivations, as well as weighing the implications and repercussions of one’s own responses⁵. Also if alcohol is consumed, it can disrupt the victim’s ability to process information⁶.  Furthermore, even when the danger signs are evident, our natural tendency is to rationalise away bad gut feelings¹⁰. In these situations, especially when they catch the woman off guard, it can also be difficult for women to assert themselves due to normative femininity such as being polite, nice and receptive to others⁵. 

About how perpetrators create opportunities to assault

Perpetrators are skilled at “testing” or “interviewing” a woman to see if they’d be a “good” potential victim⁷. For example, they test the woman’s defences and push boundaries to see if they can get to closer proximity. This can happen over months, during the first encounter or over a few seconds^7,8,9. They think “If I can get this close, I can get closer. If I can make her comply with one demand, I can help myself to more.”⁷.The progression of yesses can allow the perpetrator to for example isolate the victim in a way where the assault becomes inevitable.⁷ Trust, power of authority, offering “care”, and using the social customs of the situation are examples of tactics that perpetrators use to enable them to push boundaries and create opportunities to assault⁹. You can read more about how perpetrators create opportunities to assault here.

A person who is intoxicated or impaired cannot give consent to sexual activity.²⁷ In about half of sexual assaults alcohol was consumed by the victim, the perpetrator or both. Yet, this does not mean alcohol causes sexual assault.^11,12 Based on one study on male offending, both perpetrators and victims in impaired sexual assaults drank approximately seven alcoholic drinks and were moderately intoxicated according from the perspective of the male study participants¹². Moderate alcohol use defined as up to 1 drink per day for women and up to 2 drinks per day for men¹³ while heavy alcohol use as defined as more than 4 drinks on any day for men or more than 3 drinks for women¹⁴. Another study found that not all women who reported that they were too intoxicated to resist consumed a large amount of alcohol¹⁵. Indeed, some cognitive impairment occurs at fairly low blood alcohol levels,¹² and in some cases, a moderate amount of alcohol may have produced a high level of impairment¹⁵. 

The actual role of alcohol:

• Identifying a vulnerable victim, and/or administering/ pushing alcohol are common tactics used by perpetrators to subdue resistance.^9,12
• In some cases, the desire to commit a sexual assault may actually cause alcohol consumption (e.g. when a man drinks alcohol before committing a sexual assault in order to justify his behaviour).¹¹

Majority of sexual assaults are perpetrated by someone the victim knew and one in five by an intimate partner.²⁰ Using trust to create an opportunity to assault is a common tactic used by perpetrators.⁹ As stated by the UN Women’s guidelines for consent, agreeing to one thing (e.g. kissing) does not mean agreeing to another such as sex, and everyone has the right to change their minds and stop any activity at any time. Furthermore, agreeing to sex previously does not provide automatic consent to the same in the future.²¹